You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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