i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
