Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The power of my boobs compel you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
