ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
