this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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