Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
