On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
