i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
