i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A+ Viking dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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