enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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