Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
