I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
