Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MIDGETS
????
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
