I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
