im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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