best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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