i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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