This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
