I want to make a zoo with you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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