Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
