im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
