I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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