i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
