fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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