Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
