Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
