he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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