guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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