i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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