I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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