she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
