Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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