is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
