I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
