Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
