HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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