I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
