It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
