He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
