i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
