Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
