at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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