I want to walk on stilts...naked
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
