I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
