Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
