Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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