New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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