my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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