I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
