Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
