Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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