Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
