you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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